The Back-Up Plan

There are fluffy romantic comedies and that's fine. I can understand the appeal of a mindless romantic comedy that's mostly about the wish fulfillment of an audience. What I can't understand is a movie as offensively stupid as The Back-Up Plan. This movie was the worst romcom I've ever seen. The main character was the most unlikeable character ever. The couple was the most unromantic and unbelievable one I've ever seen. At times, I wondered how anyone in the movie could stand each other. Most of the characters were rude and unrelatable--except for Stan, the love interest, and he was just boring.



    Jennifer Lopez was Zoe, a self-absorbed singleton who wanted a baby. Since she couldn't find a penis partner to get her pregnant, she is artificially inseminated. The very same day, she meets Stan. (Alex O'Loughlin) He pursues her, she refuses at first before deciding to date him, they become a couple. The whole falling in love part was unromantic and dull. Stan was boring (even his name is boring) and Zoe was rude (was she going for sassiness?). Once they're nice and smitten with each other, Zoe tells Stan she's pregnant. Despite the fact that Zoe makes for a horrible girlfriend and kept a fairly important secret from him, Stan who is completely lacking in any personality or independent thought decides to stay with her and be the father to her children. I think he decides this on their third date. And that's basically the whole plot. Of course, there are back stories about cheating ex-wives and dead beat dads and subplots about cheese farms, but they never really go anywhere and are glossed over as unimportant.

    At around this point I'm supposed to mention the direction or the acting, but I really have to ask myself...does anyone seeing this movie care?

    Two things really bothered me about this movie. Firstly, The Back-Up Plan was basically a 106 minute mash up of fairly offensive stereotypes--often about pregnancy. Oh isn't JLo so cute with a piece of McNugget stuck in her hair? Oh how funny! She's pregnant and hungry and so must eat stew out of the pot with her bare hands and slices of bread for spoons! Apparently, when women become pregnant, they become some kind of disgusting, alien life form bent on eating its weight in food daily and which makes walrus noises during labor. The water birth scene was tacky and unfunny and way too long. The men weren't spared from the stereotypes either. They're grossed out by the female body. While Stan freaked out during a basic ultrasound, the OBGYN yelled at him, "Vagina....vagina, vagina, vagina. I'm hoping if I say it enough, you'll get used to it." Stan doesn't...upon seeing the probe, he passes out. The doctor was the best character with his two or three lines. He was so funny, he belonged in a different movie.

   The second thing that really bothered me was how grossly self absorbed the characters were. No one thought about anyone but themselves--making everyone unlikeable. The two leads broke up because they only listen to themselves talk and don't hear each other. Zoe texts and calls Stan during her grandmother's wedding. One woman declares her hatred for her children. Men got upset if body pillows got more attention than they did. I didn't care if the couple stayed together because it was so obvious that they didn't actually like each other. I don't know what world this film is supposed to be filmed in, but I'm glad I don't live in it. I'm talking selfishness to ridiculous proportions!

    So, I really hated this movie. Don't see it if you like your brain cells.